Humorous Guide on What Movers Need To Know Before They Arrive

Are you gearing up for a move and want to make sure your movers are on the same hilarious page as you are? Look no further! Our guide, "The Mover's Comedy Script: What to Spill Before They Roll In," is a laugh-out-loud manual that covers everything you should communicate to your movers before they arrive. From funny ways to describe your labyrinthine apartment layout to comedic takes on fragile item handling, this guide ensures that your move is as entertaining as it is efficient.

About the Ghosts

Tell the movers your house is so haunted it makes the Amityville Horror movies look like a cake walk. This will get the movers to work twice as fast on moving day lest they want to risk cause any troubles with ghosts. Make sure when you tell them about the haunting that you have a friend in a background slamming doors and making other ghost-like sounds.

You Packed "Nearly" Everything

"Nearly" is the exact word you want to use, because "nearly" can mean so many different things. To you, "nearly" could mean you've only packed 25% of your stuff which is "nearly" close enough to done, right!?

To Wear Something Cute

If you are going to pay a bunch of hunky guys hauling your stuff around, might as well get some eye candy out of the deal too! Can you say "chaps"?

Specifics of Location

Tell the movers you live up eight flights of stairs in a tower with only on street parking. That way when they see your apartment is slightly more accessible than that, they'll be relieved they don't have to do all the extra work!

Personal Threats

Let the movers specifically know what you'll do to them and their families if they break your expensive television. Don't be afraid to go into the gritty details.

Concession Fees

Most polite people will offer movers drinks and snacks when they are working on packing and hauling all of their precious belongings. What do you look like, a freaking soup kitchen for movers? Sheesh! We see polite transaction as an opportunity to profit, so let the movers know before the cost of Doritos and Kool-Aid from your conveniently located snack stand.

Tipping is for Chumps

You are paying the moving company more than enough money to give their movers decent wages! So why bother carrying the burden of ensuring the movers get fair pay by tipping?

You have the BBB on Speed Dial

Let them know loud and clear that any shenanigans that you'll call the Better Business Bureau so fast, they won't even know what hit 'em.

You're an Expert at Writing Bad Reviews

Tell them about your extensive experience writing bad reviews for restaurants, books, etc., and that writing a bad review for a moving company would be a new and fun experience for you.

Tell them what you own...

But divide it by half. Preferably find movers that won't even come out to look at your stuff before moving it, so that you can just be a tad misleading on how much stuff you own.

Punctuality or Die!

Let the movers know if they run into traffic or any other lame excuse comes up, that you expect the move to be free of charge. Also, that you'll call the police, because you suspect the movers are crossing the Mexican border with all your invaluable IKEA furniture.